Why would anyone care?

A month in and we’ve already hit existential crisis number 1.

When you look at people who have been in the field for a long time and you think, wow, look at all the things they’re doing, the change they’re inspiring, I want to do that as well. I have stories to tell and things that make me unique, so maybe I can make a difference too.

But with all the voices in the world, you tend to get drowned out. Everyone saying the same old thing. Fight for equality. Protect the Earth. Save the world. And suddenly, your contribution seems little and insignificant. Why would anyone care about birds and wildlife and conservation? Why would anyone care about this girl who’s learning about life one step at a time? Why would anyone care at all about what I have to say?

I’ve always been quiet, so it’s hard for people to hear me. In the times where I did speak up, I expected that I would be heard. But as more turned their backs and dismissed me as the crazy bird girl, quietness turned to silence. The philosophy is that why waste your breath when you can waste none at all. No one cares. Let someone else speak.

But deep down, I know what I have to say is important. Change was never made in a day. We only see the final product, but that final product took months if not years to create. So here I am, trying to find my voice again, to turn my silence to quietness until it crescendos into a never-ending cacophony. I’m not saying that you have to listen, but I’m done with letting someone speak. I’m done with hiding behind silence. I want to embrace that crazy bird girl inside me and tell stories that need to be heard, no matter if anyone is listening. Because who am I to say if my voice matters or not?

What I am so afraid of?

For my entire life (granted is not very long, I’m only 19), I’ve always taken the safer path. I’m not one to take risks. Sure I love going on adventures, but I’m always sure to be prepared for anything that goes wrong. Looking back, it seems I’ve approached my life choices the same way.

During my childhood, I was captivated by the vibrant pages of National Geographic and by the age of 11, I vowed to become one of their photographers. I took my parents’ camera and took pictures of everything and anything, hoping that it would take me to that goal.

As I got older, I was influenced by the opinion of many saying that photography was incredibly competitive and was not a viable career. The reality of my childhood dream, it seems, are slim, so I turned towards the sciences, a much more traditional and safe option. Don’t get me wrong, I love science. I love learning about how things worked, and that took me to university to study environmental sciences.

However, before the start of my freshman year, I had the honour to be selected for a scholarship program for nature photography. I applied thinking that I wouldn’t get in, as the program was competitive. To my surprise, I was invited to attend. There, I met many young like-minded people and well as talented instructors in the field. We spent the entire week taking photos and learning to tell stories through our images, creating our own story by the end of the week. This was so much fun and was the best time of my life because I just felt so at home and everything made sense.

After the week was over, the rest of the summer dawdled by and September crept up on me. I expected that with my love for science, university should have been similar to my experience at this camp, where I find where I’m supposed to be. But as the semester drew on, I couldn’t help but feel more and more lost. Even though my major was incredible and I learned about all of the cool things in this world, from ornithology to the geology to wildlife conservation, something was off.

Recently, I watched the documentary Chasing Coral (if you haven’t watched it I highly recommend). The movie follows the journey of a team’s efforts to bring awareness to coral bleaching. As more characters became introduced in the film, I realized that I didn’t see myself in the scientists, but in the creators of the documentary and the photographers. I realized what I really wanted to do was learn about new things and use that information to create a story that captivate the mind and inspire change. I realized why that scholarship program was so enthralling. As much as I want to love research and academics, its not who I am. I have a brain of a scientist, but my heart belongs to art. The need to create and communicate stories of nature and conservation like National Geographic photographers calls to me, bringing me back to square one. The truth is, no matter how far I deviate from my dream, no matter how much I would like to take the safer career path, I am always drawn back because this, I now believe, is what I am meant to do. Storytelling is something that comes so naturally to me, so why am I not chasing my dream? What I am so afraid of?

This I guess is why I’ve created this blog. No more safety, I am now following my heart and taking the plunge. This is my creative outlet, but also a way to develop my writing skills for science communication. This blog will probably be a hodgepodge of opinion/life pieces (like this one), posts on research I find interesting, and conservation stories. Of course I will try to incorporate my photography into this blog as well.

That’s about it. Thank you for reading and I would love for you to follow along on this journey! Who knows where it will take me?