Why would anyone care?

A month in and we’ve already hit existential crisis number 1.

When you look at people who have been in the field for a long time and you think, wow, look at all the things they’re doing, the change they’re inspiring, I want to do that as well. I have stories to tell and things that make me unique, so maybe I can make a difference too.

But with all the voices in the world, you tend to get drowned out. Everyone saying the same old thing. Fight for equality. Protect the Earth. Save the world. And suddenly, your contribution seems little and insignificant. Why would anyone care about birds and wildlife and conservation? Why would anyone care about this girl who’s learning about life one step at a time? Why would anyone care at all about what I have to say?

I’ve always been quiet, so it’s hard for people to hear me. In the times where I did speak up, I expected that I would be heard. But as more turned their backs and dismissed me as the crazy bird girl, quietness turned to silence. The philosophy is that why waste your breath when you can waste none at all. No one cares. Let someone else speak.

But deep down, I know what I have to say is important. Change was never made in a day. We only see the final product, but that final product took months if not years to create. So here I am, trying to find my voice again, to turn my silence to quietness until it crescendos into a never-ending cacophony. I’m not saying that you have to listen, but I’m done with letting someone speak. I’m done with hiding behind silence. I want to embrace that crazy bird girl inside me and tell stories that need to be heard, no matter if anyone is listening. Because who am I to say if my voice matters or not?

Is environmental conservation selfish?

Just some food for thought.

I watched the documentary Racing Extinction yesterday and it got me thinking: is the work of environmental conservation selfish?

The film pushes the idea that we need to preserve these beautiful creatures so that our future generations can see them, that it is possible for the human race to coexist with life on Earth without destroying it. But honestly? Wouldn’t life get along just fine without humans running about the planet?

Life is incredibly resilient. It first evolved from a very inhospitable place, where the atmosphere had very little oxygen and the UV rays from the Sun was burning up the earth’s surface. So if we manage to blow up the planet, a few select species would probably survive and evolve into new forms of life that we could never imagine. If we end up demolishing one planet, the universe will go on just fine without us. We often inflate our self-importance, but if the history of the universe was on a 24 hour clock, we would exist only for 2 seconds before midnight. We are just a wink in time and in the grand scheme of things, our actions mean absolutely nothing.

So are we just trying to preserve the Earth so that the human race can endure? Is conservation merely in the interest of saving our own skins? I think there’s more to the equation.

This sixth mass extinction is solely propagated by human activity, so we and we alone are destroying and killing all of the biodiversity on Earth just by doing the small everyday things. That’s pretty scary. So I think that despite being egotistical, humans have something inside them that makes them beautiful, and that is compassion. We see these animals in distress and we can’t help but save them. We see the horrific present that we have created and we want to make a difference. So if we push aside greed, arrogance, and start seeing and hearing the natural world around us and let compassion into our hearts, maybe, just maybe, the human race is worth saving.

Maybe there are no wrong decisions

I think when you’re early in your career, you constantly worry if the decisions you make will get you to the final destination. When you’re young, you feel like you’re vulnerable to becoming a disappointment and try to do everything in your power to prevent a disaster. But what if there are no right decisions? Or better yet, what if there are no wrong decisions?

Have you had one of those days where you look back on your life, and suddenly everything is crystal clear? Like all the mistakes and missteps you made in the past just end up making sense? Well today was one of those days for me.

I’ve always been a very shy and quiet person. I never raised my hand in class. I didn’t really participate in school activities. I just went to class, went home, did homework, repeat. The only thing I did outside of class (other than swimming) was reading books about nature and taking photos of birds, because that’s what I loved to do.

At the time I thought this were wrong because everyone else was doing millions of extracurriculars, or taking summer classes at a university on the other side of the world. I, on the other hand, did nothing during the summers. I did do some volunteering towards the end of my high school career, but I always felt a bit out of place because no one else my age was volunteering ornithological research, but hey I felt productive, like these were “right” choices to get me into college.

My dream school at the time was Cornell University. I think I was intrigued by the idea of going to an Ivy League school and also that Cornell was home to the Lab of Ornithology, a leader in avian research. But asides from that, the allure of Cornell wasn’t strong. It didn’t have the program I wanted (was too broad) and the campus was a 6 hour plane ride and a 5 hour bus ride away. But I applied anyway. Perhaps they could smell my insecurity like a pack of wolves because (surprise!) I did not end up getting into the school. I had good grades and quite a few relevant extracurriculars, but my heart wasn’t certain, and that probably reflected in my application.

Flash forward to today. I’m in a room full dinosaur fossils and taxidermied birds, listening to enthusiastic mentors who are training us to become tour guides for the Redpath Museum of McGill.  I found myself in the midst of some people that were passionate about science education today, and I felt like I was where I was supposed to be. All that reading I’ve done in the past cemented knowledge of ornithology/wildlife into my brain, and photography and volunteering helped me practice and love sharing this knowledge with the public. Acting as a tour guide may be challenging and confusing, but I knew exactly what to do as I’ve been unintentionally preparing for this moment. We are all products of our actions. Our experiences build us into who we are, and suddenly, where you are today seemed kind of inevitable. I believe in fate, where everything should fall into place and when something isn’t meant to happen, it won’t. You didn’t get that job because the employer thought you weren’t the right fit at the time, and they’re probably right. I didn’t get into that university because I wasn’t ready to dive into the competitive atmosphere of an Ivy League school, and maybe I never will be.

So if you have a passion, keep working on it. If you don’t, keep trying new things that interest you until you find one that you can’t let go of. But never feel like you SHOULD do anything. Don’t do things for the sake of doing things. Listen to your heart and trust your gut, they will lead you to where you need to be.

What I am so afraid of?

For my entire life (granted is not very long, I’m only 19), I’ve always taken the safer path. I’m not one to take risks. Sure I love going on adventures, but I’m always sure to be prepared for anything that goes wrong. Looking back, it seems I’ve approached my life choices the same way.

During my childhood, I was captivated by the vibrant pages of National Geographic and by the age of 11, I vowed to become one of their photographers. I took my parents’ camera and took pictures of everything and anything, hoping that it would take me to that goal.

As I got older, I was influenced by the opinion of many saying that photography was incredibly competitive and was not a viable career. The reality of my childhood dream, it seems, are slim, so I turned towards the sciences, a much more traditional and safe option. Don’t get me wrong, I love science. I love learning about how things worked, and that took me to university to study environmental sciences.

However, before the start of my freshman year, I had the honour to be selected for a scholarship program for nature photography. I applied thinking that I wouldn’t get in, as the program was competitive. To my surprise, I was invited to attend. There, I met many young like-minded people and well as talented instructors in the field. We spent the entire week taking photos and learning to tell stories through our images, creating our own story by the end of the week. This was so much fun and was the best time of my life because I just felt so at home and everything made sense.

After the week was over, the rest of the summer dawdled by and September crept up on me. I expected that with my love for science, university should have been similar to my experience at this camp, where I find where I’m supposed to be. But as the semester drew on, I couldn’t help but feel more and more lost. Even though my major was incredible and I learned about all of the cool things in this world, from ornithology to the geology to wildlife conservation, something was off.

Recently, I watched the documentary Chasing Coral (if you haven’t watched it I highly recommend). The movie follows the journey of a team’s efforts to bring awareness to coral bleaching. As more characters became introduced in the film, I realized that I didn’t see myself in the scientists, but in the creators of the documentary and the photographers. I realized what I really wanted to do was learn about new things and use that information to create a story that captivate the mind and inspire change. I realized why that scholarship program was so enthralling. As much as I want to love research and academics, its not who I am. I have a brain of a scientist, but my heart belongs to art. The need to create and communicate stories of nature and conservation like National Geographic photographers calls to me, bringing me back to square one. The truth is, no matter how far I deviate from my dream, no matter how much I would like to take the safer career path, I am always drawn back because this, I now believe, is what I am meant to do. Storytelling is something that comes so naturally to me, so why am I not chasing my dream? What I am so afraid of?

This I guess is why I’ve created this blog. No more safety, I am now following my heart and taking the plunge. This is my creative outlet, but also a way to develop my writing skills for science communication. This blog will probably be a hodgepodge of opinion/life pieces (like this one), posts on research I find interesting, and conservation stories. Of course I will try to incorporate my photography into this blog as well.

That’s about it. Thank you for reading and I would love for you to follow along on this journey! Who knows where it will take me?